I, like many of you, who may read this grew up in Church. I was there every time the doors were opened. I went to summer camp, vacation bible school, you name it. In the process of growing up I found it harder and harder to actually be a "Christian".
I was able to white knuckle the exterior and put off this act that I was a "good dude". I mean I didn't drink, smoke, cuss, etc. I even listened to Christian music (that's a feat in itself). I was one of those people who did a really good job of putting on a front every Sunday. In private and on the inside however, there was no light to be found, just pure darkness. The darkness took hold of me eventually and while I was able to not partake in the what legalism would consider major sins; drinking, smoking, sex, etc I was such a wretched soul. I treated people like no one should ever be treated, I lied, cheated, was a thief, etc. It got to the point where I felt to dirty too even go to Church. This is a extremely flawed view as every single one of us is dirty before a Holy God, and only through the blood of Jesus can we be presented perfect before God. It was much easier to just turn from God and do my own thing, even though for some odd reason I hung on to some of the legalisms of the Church. Even though living for myself seemed easier, I still had that longing that I was missing something. In order to suppress these desires I begin doing things that I hated, but did them just to not have the loneliness. I went to clubs and bars and parties, put up with obnoxious drunk people for no other reason than to satisfy my emptiness. It was much easier to put up with that stuff than to sit and home and beat myself up over not being able to get my life together. We all know God works in unbelievable ways and my story is no different. Here I am, so far from God, feeling like my life is useless. I had dropped out of college, making a little money, but no future in sight. My hope was on material things so I busted my tail buying gadgets and trucks, etc.. Oh a new truck will for sure make me happy right? Here is where God started to really work in my life. My dad became the fire chief in our small town. The mayor recommended his son's wife's brother for a job working for my dad. My dad had one interview with him and hired him. I was already hanging out at the fire station with another buddy on his shift and the new guy was placed on that shift. It did not take long for all of us to become really good friends. Well one day we are sitting around the table and the new guy's brother, who I had heard a lot about, pops in to say hello. To say this kid was on fire for God would be a understatement. We started talking a little and he could see that I had a little knowledge of the Bible and we were on the same level intellectually. Long story short, this kid ends up talking me into going back to Church and my life has been a crazy ride ever since. I say all that set up my heartfelt concern. All my life, and I will take some of the blame, I had been taught a Christianity of The Gospel + Legalism. What I mean by that is, ask God to come into your heart and do this but don't do that. The Church has added a moral box around the Gospel and all it is doing is actually inoculating people from really seeing who Jesus is and what he did. We are NOT governed by The Law of Moses any longer. That was God's covenant to the people of Israel before Jesus. It is by faith, through grace that you are saved, nothing else. Paul even says if anyone, even a angel that comes to you, says any different than what is written in the Bible according to the Gospel that they should be accursed. When Jesus died on the cross for our sins, a new covenant was established. There are two commands, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and love your neighbor as yourself. Outsiders have to think Christianity is the most miserable religion ever because it is if you take The Gospel of Jesus Christ and manipulate it. If you are beating yourself up because you are unable to live according to the legalism of Christianity, take a step back and find out for yourself the grace that was provided you by Jesus on the cross. A good starting point is the book of Galatians. I will say that standing around waving the banner of grace while refusing to grow in your relationship with Jesus and dealing with your issues is also very dangerous! (Jude 1:4) If you are truly saved, the Holy Spirit that dwells inside you will battle for you and with you against the desires of the flesh. Stay strong and keep fighting the good fight! The Old me tried to earn my salvation, the New me realizes it was a gift from God and out of Love everything I do is to bring glory to His name.
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